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Territory of ZU · Official-ish Document

ZU Zero-Proof Passport

Every mocktail gets a sticker. Every sticker gets you closer. Flip through the territory below.

ZU
TERRITORY OF ZU
ZERO-PROOF
PASSPORT
No jurisdiction.
Official Notice
Read this. Or don't.
1. Order a mocktail.
2. Get its visa sticker.
3. Collect them all.
4. Become a Mocktail Master.
   Free mocktail. Portrait. Wall.
Max two stickers per visit. Any eight earn a free popsicle. Applied by consulate staff only.
Paper passports issued at the bar. Hand-numbered. Limited.
Visa Nº 01
Sansgria
Fruit juices · warming clove · garden botanicals · dark chocolate
Entry granted on suspicion of good taste.
Tasting Notes
Sticker
Here
Visa Nº 02
Prickly Paloma
Prickly pear · ruby grapefruit · lime · hibiscus · sea salt · bubbles
Kissed by sea salt. It's in the record now.
Tasting Notes
Sticker
Here
Visa Nº 03
Quantum Leap
Garden botanicals · lemon · thyme simple syrup
Subject was observed smiling. Noted and filed.
Tasting Notes
Sticker
Here
Visa Nº 04
1987
Orange marmalade · macadamia nut milk · orange juice · tangerine
A very good year. Allegedly.
Tasting Notes
Sticker
Here
Visa Nº 05
Demolition Derby
Blueberry · lime · cardamom · raspberry lime sparkle
No vehicles were harmed.
Tasting Notes
Sticker
Here
Visa Nº 06
Montezuma Mule
Zero-proof “tequila” · ginger beer · lime
Local pride. Zero proof required.
Tasting Notes
Sticker
Here
Visa Nº 07
Spicy ZU-garita
Zero-proof “tequila” · orange · lime · agave · jalapeño · salt rim
Bearer withstood the heat without incident.
Tasting Notes
Sticker
Here
Visa Nº 08
Tail Wagger
Zero-proof “whiskey” sour · maraschino cherry · smoked almonds
Almonds inspected. Approved.
Tasting Notes
Sticker
Here
Any eight.
Free popsicle.
Any drinks, any order. The Territory salutes your commitment. Coldly.
Visa Nº 09
The Grifter
Zero-proof “rum” & “tequila” · cherry cola vibes · cherries
Takes one to know one.
Tasting Notes
Sticker
Here
Visa Nº 10
Espress0% Martini
Zero-proof espresso · coffee beans · pocky stick
Caffeinated, decorated, certified.
Tasting Notes
Sticker
Here
Visa Nº 11
Folk Remedy
Zero-proof “tequila” · lemon · pickle juice
Cured. Probably.
Tasting Notes
Sticker
Here
Visa Nº 12
Breakfast of Champions
Oat milk · birthday cake creamer · Nescafe · zero-proof “tequila” · Fruit Loops
Structural integrity of Fruit Loops confirmed.
Tasting Notes
Sticker
Here
Visa Nº 13
ZUum Juice
Watermelon juice · cold brew · club soda · over ice
Nobody saw this coming. Neither did we.
Tasting Notes
Sticker
Here
Visa Nº 14
Mad Cow Shot
Cold brew coffee · sweet creamer
Bearer is now extremely awake.
Tasting Notes
Sticker
Here
Visa Nº 15
Bloody Lance
N/A pilsner · spicy bloody mary mix · peperoncini · lime · chili rim
Bearer survived the chili rim.
Tasting Notes
Sticker
Here
Visa Nº 16
Honorary Member
N/A pilsner · lemonade
Attendance is an achievement. This proves it.
Tasting Notes
Sticker
Here
Visa Extensions
Off the Record
Seasonal specials, one-night-only experiments, and mocktails that do not exist yet.
If it's zero-proof and we made it up, it sticks here. Bonus territory.
[REDACTED]
Diplomatic Visa
This page does not officially exist.
Awarded for services to the Territory. We will not tell you what they are. You will know.
Classified
Amendments
Amendments
For grievances, declarations, and drink ideas you insist we make.
Filed complaints will be read aloud in a formal voice.
Certification
Certificate of Mastery
Be it known that
has consumed every mocktail in the Territory of ZU and lived to describe them, and is hereby granted the rank of
MOCKTAIL MASTER
Official
Seal
THE FINE PRINT
This document confers no legal status anywhere. Do not present at actual borders. Stickers never expire, even if a drink retires from the menu.
CUSTOM STICKER ART BY DANTE DOWNEY
ZU Gallery
48 W MAIN ST · CORTEZ, CO
ZUGALLERY.COM
Arrow keys and swiping work too. This is a modern territory.

Can't decide?

Let the consulate assign you a destination.

 
A Note From The Territory

The jokes are jokes. This part isn't.

ZU carries more non-alcoholic drinks than alcoholic ones. That's on purpose. We host Young People in Recovery events, we've raised funds for Silver Lining Recovery Homes with a specialty drink made for the occasion, and we throw Mocktail Nights throughout the year.

Sober, sober curious, in recovery, driving, pregnant, or just not feeling it tonight: you get the good glassware, the full menu, and zero questions. Everyone's passport looks the same.

This digital version is legally meaningless. The paper passport lives at the bar, holds real stickers, and earns real popsicles. Come get one.

Custom sticker art by Dante Downey
ZU Gallery · 48 W Main Street · Cortez, Colorado


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